


Harmless... Yeah, Right!

by carolej126, TeriH



Series: The Curse [3]
Category: The Magnificent Seven (TV)
Genre: Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-27
Updated: 2019-04-27
Packaged: 2020-02-07 14:12:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,304
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18622105
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/carolej126/pseuds/carolej126, https://archiveofourown.org/users/TeriH/pseuds/TeriH
Summary: Originally published in Magnificent Haunts #1 (Neon RainBow Press, 2010)Written by the Mod Squad (otherwise known as Brigitta, Carole, and Teri).It would appear no one is safe from the curse.





	Harmless... Yeah, Right!

** Part 1 **

_The drums beat a rhythmic cadence and the moccasin clad feet kept time as the shaman whirled and twisted around the fire, the rattlesnake tail rattle in his hand keeping a counter beat.  He watched in fascination as the shaman dropped the rattle and it was transformed into a defensively coiled snake, rattling ominously.  The venomous serpent suddenly struck, the pointed fangs closing on his throat._

_Simultaneously, in several different locations, three men sat bolt upright and moaned, "Ah, hell."_

~~~~~

Vin walked into the restaurant, having just returned from a dawn patrol, and noticed a relaxed Chris Larabee enjoying his breakfast.   He pulled up a chair to join his friend, placing his hat on the corner of the table and then snagged one of the biscuits off of Chris's plate.  In answer to Chris's look of censure he nabbed a slice of ham for good measure and leaned back to enjoy his impromptu sandwich. Chris merely pushed his cup of coffee over to the man deeming it simpler to acquiesce than to fight the inevitable.

“Ain’t you feeling charitable this mornin’.”  Vin smiled taking a sip of the hot coffee.

“Is this a private conversation, or might anyone join in?”  Ezra Standish waltzed up to the table looking quite dapper.

“Up a mite early, ain’t ya?”

“I found that after retiring rather early last evening, I was awake and prepared to meet the dawn this fine morning,” Ezra commented as he took a seat and then motioned to the server for some coffee.

“Yer good mood wouldn’t have anything to do with yer decided lack a’ color this mornin’?”

“It would seem that Mr. Jackson’s ‘remedy’ faded away during the evening,” Ezra said with a smile and he picked at a piece of lint on the sleeve of his plum jacket and then pulled at the ruffle on his sleeve, covering a patch of flesh that still had a noticeable lavender cast.  “Mah ruined apparel was not as fortunate. An issue I shall need to discuss with our Mr. Dunne.”

”Looks like you’ll have your chance.”  Chris nodded in the direction of the door.

J.D. moved through the door throwing a look over his shoulder before scanning the room and seeing his friends.  He moved rapidly to the table, ignoring the greetings of several women in the establishment, and took a seat.  “Any of you seen Buck today?” he asked as his eyes darted around the room.

“Mr. Wilmington has yet to grace us with his presence.  Now I would like to discuss remuneration for the destruction of my. . .”

“Hi, J.D.”  A young woman interrupted as she walked up to the table and ran her fingers through J.D.’s hair before her father pulled her away.

“J.D., you okay,” Chris asked, noticing the way their young friend had jumped at the unexpected touch.  

Leaning in and lowering his voice, J.D. explained.  “Had that dream last night, the one with the Medicine man dancing and that damn snake.  Nothing’s bad yet but it has me a bit jumpy.”

Proving his point he jumped again as a heaping plate of food was suddenly placed on the table in front of him by Mrs. Hunt, the restaurant cook.  “Here you go, hon.  Eat, you’re looking far too thin.”

At J.D.’s startled look she pinched his cheeks and then headed back toward the kitchen with a muttered, “Such a sweet boy.” 

The four men exchanged looks, wondering what had just happened when they heard a ruckus outside as two horses ran past the door followed by a cry that they recognized as Buck Wilmington. 

“Wasn’t that Peso?” Chris asked Vin as he stood and headed for the door. 

“And Chaucer,” Ezra added in a rather shocked tone.

Those in the room stepped back, allowing the four regulators to move swiftly through the room and out the door, but none were prepared for the sight that greeted them.  Peso and Chaucer stood on the boardwalk with Buck cornered by the locked door of Potter’s store. The two large animals seemed to be nudging and bumping the ladies’ man, and each other, vying for Buck’s attention.

A crowd had begun to form as Vin and Ezra moved to pull their horses away from their friend and off of the wooden walkway. 

Tiny pushed his way through the crowd and grabbed the animals’ halters.  “I’m so sorry.  I was rubbing Peso down when _that_ animal somehow opened its stall and knocked me down.”  Tiny glared at Chaucer.  “Next thing I know they took off out the door after Buck.  Don’t rightly know what got into them.”  

Tiny led the horses away and back toward the livery as Josiah and Nathan approached the crowd.  “What was that about?” Nathan asked as he scratched his neck. 

“Folks, the entertainment’s over.”  Chris’s look more than his words had the townsfolk heading on their way.

“Don’t rightly know,” Vin commented.

“Maybe it was Buck’s animal magnet…ism,” J.D. jumped, the word ending on a squeak.

“What’s got into you, boy?” Buck asked as he absent-mindedly scratched the ears of the livery cat that had jumped into his arms.

“Buck, that old lady grabbed my . . . my . . . “ 

“Derrière?” Ezra offered with a smirk, as he watched the old woman wink at his young friend as she walked away. 

“Strange things happenin’ lately,” Nathan stated, his hand still worrying the spot on his neck as he scratched his chest.

Vin approached the healer.  He grabbed the man’s wrist and pulled Nathan’s hand away from his neck.  Beneath were two angry, red spots that resembled fang marks yet clearly were not.  

Vin grabbed the front of Nathan’s shirt, ripping it open to reveal numerous red splotches with white welts covering the man’s chest. 

“Hives . . .  Chris, best git Nathan to the clinic.  I’ll go collect some alfalfa and some nettles.  Buck, J.D., you go see if Mary or Mrs. Potter has some Chamomile tea.”  Vin headed toward the livery to saddle Peso, then glancing at J.D. and Buck, threw over his shoulder as an afterthought, “Ezra, Josiah, you best keep an eye on those two.”

Everyone moved to do Vin’s bidding with the exception of Josiah who spun and walked purposefully toward his waiting horse. 

“Mr. Sanchez, where are you going?” Ezra called after the man. 

“Something I need to take care of,” Josiah muttered as he swung into his saddle.

Josiah hadn’t believed it was possible, but he had seen it with his own eyes.  One or two could have been explained away, but now more of his friends seemed to be afflicted.  Spurring his horse to a gallop he headed out of town and toward the Indian village.  It was time to put a stop to this. 

 

**Part 2**

The sun had almost reached center stage in the sky by the time Vin returned with his natural remedies, and the sharpshooter pulled his horse up in front of the livery. 

Dismounting, he headed for the stairs that led to the upper level, only to turn back around and stare out into the street.

In a manner which could only be described as slinking, Buck was moving in and out of the shadows, his head swiveling from side to side with each step as if searching for something.  Or avoiding something, Vin realized.   

As Vin watched in amazement, a peep of chickens came around the corner, and after spotting the ladies’ man, proceeded to move as fast as their little clawed feet could run, tucking themselves in behind Buck.  Wilmington let out a strangled yell, trying to shoo the birds away, but they persisted in following him, and the strange procession made their way down the alley and out of sight, a litany of curse words left in their wake.

“A veritable Pied Piper,” Ezra said drolly, leaning over the railing to meet Vin’s gaze.

“Looks like that curse has moved on,” Vin commented, tucking the fruits of his search under his arm as he climbed the steps to the clinic.

“There is no such thing as a-“  Ezra’s words were abruptly cut off as Vin’s hand suddenly clamped itself over the gambler’s mouth.

“Do ya really want t’ say that?” Vin asked.

“Don’t tempt fate,” Chris advised, appearing in the clinic’s doorway.

Vin smiled.  “’Less you wanna spend another day lookin’ like a grape.”  He waited until Ezra’s eyes grew wide and the other man shook his head, before removing his hand.

“Get away from me!” came a familiar yell from the street, and the three men turned as one.

Wilmington had apparently lost most of the chickens somewhere, but had now picked up a menagerie of new friends.  Following him was a line of assorted animals:  several cats, three dogs, a donkey, Mr. Thompson’s half-blind horse, two raccoons, and at the very end, five or six small yellow chicks, all _cheeping_ as they scurried along.

Vin narrowed his gaze.  If he wasn’t mistaken, there was also a bird sitting on the brim of Buck’s hat.

“Always did say that animal magnetism of his was a curse,” Chris said, a smirk on his face.

“JD!”

This time it was Casey’s shrill voice that caught their attention.  Just down the street, the young woman came flying out of the general store, heading for the town’s sheriff.

Totally oblivious, JD was completely encircled by a gaggle of women, ranging in age from four to ninety-seven.  Every one of them was staring at him with looks that varied from awe, amazement, and admiration, and in the case of one Miss Josephine Stevens, newly arrived to the fair town of Four Corners, an expression that could only be described as intense longing.   

“JD!” Casey called again.  Reaching the group, she pushed and shoved until she reached JD, then, grabbing him by what appeared to be his ear, dragged him off.

“Ouch,” Vin commented.

“Hey, you boys forget about me?”

With a degree of reluctance, Chris, Vin and Ezra entered the clinic, finding Nathan perched on the edge of the examination bed, his hands gripping the sides so tightly his knuckles were white.

“Tea didn’t help,” Chris explained, waving Vin forward.

“Got ya some alfalfa and nettles, Nathan.  That should help with the itchin’.”

As the sharpshooter moved to assist Nathan, Larabee looked around.  “Where’s Josiah?”

“Probably holed up at the church,” Nathan responded, “seeing that he’s the only one that hasn’t been affected by the curse.”

As Ezra took a deep breath, Chris turned to glare at him.  “Don’t say it.”

Ezra shook his head, only barely managing not to roll his eyes.  “I only meant to tell you that Mr. Sanchez departed town a few hours ago, and has yet to return.”

Chris looked thoughtful.  “I wonder…”

“Mr. Larabee, as Mr. Tanner clearly has things under control here, might I suggest that we retire to the saloon?”

Larabee nodded.  He caught Vin’s eye.  “We’ll be at the saloon.  Beer’s on me when you’re finished.”

The two men both aimed a sympathetic look at Nathan, who completely ignored them, and moved toward the exit.

~~~~~

“Chris.”  The loud whisper carried through the saloon, catching Larabee’s attention.

Caught in the act of raising his glass to his mouth, Chris paused, spotting Buck peering over the batwing doors.

“Chris.”  Buck checked the street behind him, then gestured toward Larabee.  “It safe to come in?”

“Safe from what?” Chris asked, exchanging a questioning look with Ezra.

Buck sighed.  “You know.”

“Buck, I have no idea what you’re…” Chris’s words trailed off as Buck stiffened, bolted through the doorway, rapidly crossed the room, and vaulted over the bar. 

“You haven’t seen me,” Buck said, tucking his head out of view.

“I do believe our resident ladies’ man has lost his mind.”

Chris was about to agree when movement under the swinging doors caught his attention.  First, there was only one, and then the first dog was joined by a second.  The pack continued to grow, until there were at least twenty dogs, all searching the inside of the saloon with their puppy-dog eyes.

“Good lord.”  Ezra’s eyes were wide.  “Are they all in pursuit of Mr. Wilmington?”

“Looks like it.” 

“Chris, help,” came the quiet plea.

Chris huffed out a breath, but scooted his chair back, stood facing the door, and glared at the animals.

One at a time, a pooch looked up at Larabee, and froze, pinned in place.  When he had the attention of every dog, Chris waved his hand, and barked, “Get!”

The dogs immediately responded, in unison voicing a mournful howl before turning tail and running away.

Buck was slow to join them, his eyes still checking both the door and the surrounding area. 

“Pull up a chair,” Chris invited.

“I-“  Buck began, only to be interrupted by JD, who practically dove through the door, threw himself into a chair, and promptly sank as far down in his seat as possible, leaving only the top of his head visible.

“What’s wrong, Kid?” Buck asked, claiming the chair next to the young sheriff.

JD slowly sat up, inch by inch revealing his mussed hair and disheveled clothing.  “I was just trying to cross the street, when…” 

“When what?” Buck prompted.

JD was just about to answer when a cry rang out in the street.  “There he is!  JD!  JD!”

“Oh, no, not again!”  JD picked up Chris’s beer, quickly tossed it down, then ran for the back exit.

“Where’s JD goin’,” Vin asked, arriving at the table, “and why are all those women standing outside on the street calling his name?”

“It’s the curse,” three voices explained as one. 

Vin nodded, a thoughtful look on his face.  “I have an idea about that,” he said slowly.

 

**Part 3**

The sun seemed to take hours to set as six members of Four Corner’s Peacekeepers sat in the church waiting for the return of the seventh.

“Do you think something happened to him?” J.D. asked, rubbing his left ear.  Casey hadn’t been impressed with his sudden popularity. The fact that the rest of the women of the town were organizing a search to locate the youngest and ‘sexiest’ of the Seven had sent the high spirited Casey her riding out of town declaring she never wanted to see J.D. again.

“Happened to him?” Chris growled. “If something hasn’t, it’s going to.”

Vin smirked.  He’d shared his theory with the others.  Somehow Josiah had created the curse when taking lessons from the reservation medicine man.  It was only a guess, but it was all the boys had at the moment.

Mournful howls, meows, neighs and squawks continued to fill the air surrounding the church.  Buck, who was sitting atop a small table to avoid the church mice that found him irresistible, murmured, “I’m going to kill him.”   He scratched uncontrollably at the fleas who felt he was mouth-watering.

“Here he comes,” Nathan mumbled  wirily, moving from the window.  The hives had been replaced by chickenpox and mumps, which explained why Ezra was standing on he opposite side of the room.  Every time Nathan moved near him, Ezra shot off concerned Nathan was contagious.

Chris and Vin strode to the door and as Josiah placed his hand on it they ripped the preacher inside and rebolted  the heavy structure, much to the consternation of all those furry and not so furry beasts outside.  The only animals faster than Larabee and Tanner was a swarm of bees. 

Buck’s eyes widened with horror as the swarm flew straight at him.  Ezra grabbed the font of holy water and threw it.  Thankfully his aim was true and the bees dropped to the floor, soggy but unharmed.

Josiah stood frozen.

Slowly six sets of eyes turned to him.  “JOSIAH?!”

Josiah raised his hands for calm.  “Brothers, I fear I have something to admit.  I am responsible for the...”

“NO!” all cried at once. They had discovered using the word ‘curse’ was always followed by a series of mishaps for one or other of those afflicted.

Josiah’s right eyebrow rose.  

“You’re responsible for this?” Chris demanded darkly.

“I’m afraid so.  You see, I was reading an ancient Indian text the Shaman gave me and I made the grave error of reading one of the cur...”

“NO!”

“Don’t say that word.  Bad things happen when you say that word,” J.D. whispered, his young eyes darting around the building.

“Oh.  Well, I read one of the ‘spells’ aloud and unfortunately it is the vocalisation of the...’spell’ which activates it.”

“What spell?” Chris spat.

“It is quite harmless,” Josiah assured.

“HARMLESS!” six voiced thundered.

“You call the annihilation of my lucky red jacket harmless?” Ezra cried indignantly.

“Stuff your jacket... what about me?  The ladies won’t even look at me!”

Nathan cleared his throat.  All turned to look at the pitiful man covered in pox, spots and lumps.

“Sorry, Nathan,” Buck and Ezra apologised.

Josiah grimaced.  “Boys, I’m truly sorry.  The spell was one that intrigued me for it spoke of teaching people a lesson about the gifts they have.  By losing those gifts for a short period of time, the afflicted learns to value what they have.  Hence, Vin lost his dexterity of movement and affinity with nature.”

Vin frowned.

Josiah turned to Chris.  “Chris, who relies on his ability to command respect without a word, lost that.”

Chris nodded slowly.  Hanging upside down under his horse certainly hadn’t helped his reputation.

“I lost my lucky jacket,” Ezra murmured thoughtfully.

“No, more that, Ezra.  Appearances.  To you, they mean a lot.  You lost your edge when you ended up with a face full of paint, purple skin and a pink jacket,” Josiah explained slowly as he took a seat.  The other boys relaxed, sitting also.  Josiah turned to Nathan.

“You learned firsthand how you patients feel when you heal them.  You don’t value yourself enough, Nathan.”

Jackson sighed. He’d learned his lesson.

“Buck took for granted his appeal to those who idolize him and so the animal magnetism that means so much, became real.”

Buck nodded, sheepishly.

“But what about me?” J.D. asked.  “I didn’t lose anything?”

“Casey?”

“Oh.  She’ll come back.”

“Yes, she will.  You envied Buck and so you were given a taste of what it would be like not to be yourself.  We must value who we are, J.D.  Value those gifts God has given you.”

“What I don’t understand is why us?  You were the one who read the cur... spell?” J.D. pointed out.

“Ahh.  The spell affected the first person I thought of after saying it and, I thought of all of you and of the amazing gifts you have.”

Silence settled in the church for several moments.

“So, tonight will be the end of it and all will return to normal tomorrow?” Buck asked.

Josiah nodded.  “Yes.  I didn’t quite finish reading the second curse so...”

At the word ‘curse’ the door bolt snapped!  Women of all ages, and animals of ever description poured into the room casting the strong peacekeepers to the side to get to those they desired.  Buck and J.D. went down under them.

Above the barking and chirping of beasts and the cooing and clucking of a dozen females, Nathan’s voice thundered.  “Oh know.  Not piles!”

Vin grabbed Josiah’s arm and dragged him to the side as Chris and Ezra fought their way through to rescue Buck and J.D. from their adoring menagerie.  “A second spell?  What was it?”

“It’s okay, Vin.  I didn’t finish it so...”

“What... was... it?” Vin growled.

“A fear spell.  The afflicted must face head-on that which they fear most.”

Vin glared at his huge friend.  “And you’re sure that it ain’t gonna happen?”

“Positive... well, 99% positive.”

“JOSIAH!”

***********

 


End file.
